It's that time of year when five-hole should refer only to that space the Penguins' shooters hope to find tonight between Braden Holtby's pads.
Alas, it's also Groundhog Day.
And, believe it or not, only a dozen days remain until pitchers and catchers report to Bradenton.
Add up all three of those seemingly chaotic observations and, other than a catastrophically cluttered mind behind the writing, the conclusion that's rather casually reached is the following: The Pirates might be in more trouble than I'd realized.
(No, really. Lay off the caffeine after 9 p.m.)
It goes like this: Lance Lysowski and I were recording our weekly baseball podcast for DK Sports Radio, and one of our segments focused on Clint Hurdle's lineup heading into spring training. And being completely candid, I'd kind of preserved a corner of my mind in which I was still somewhat OK with that lineup, even after the Andrew McCutchen trade.
Oh, my ... no.
Here's where we took it:
1. Starling Marte, CF
2. Josh Harrison, 2B
3. Gregory Polanco, RF
4. Josh Bell, 1B
That's the fairly easy part. Marte won't ever be an on-base demon, but he's got other skills of value at leadoff. J-Hay, assuming he isn't traded to complete the front office's selloff hat trick, is a perfect No. 2 if he can keep up his 2017 showing. Polanco has the regrettable job of trying to replace Cutch, but he's got the personality and the talent for such a challenge, if not the properly-hydrated hamstrings. And Bell ... the kid's really good.
But beyond that?
7. Francisco Cervelli, C
8. Jordy Mercer, SS
That's it. That's all I've got.
And yeah, you'd better believe two spots in the order were skipped on purpose. Because I like Cervelli at No. 7, and Mercer's become a terrific No. 8, also capable of bouncing all the way to the top against lefties. They offer depth through the bottom of the lineup.
But that's the rub within this roster: They're precisely where they should be at Nos. 7 and 8, and the Pirates don't have clear candidates at Nos. 5 and 6 unless they bump up those two, and that's handing the opponent automatic 1-2-3 innings if they do.
Funny, but it turns out trading a generational talent leaves a hole in the heart of the order, and losing a power-hitting third baseman to multiple DUI offenses overseas leaves another.
What to do?
Well, starting with the latter, it's clear that Neal Huntington will want newcomer Colin Moran starting at third. That's understandable. He was acquired from the Astros in the Gerrit Cole trade, he's 25, he's spent way too long in the minors after being the sixth overall pick in the 2013 draft, and he showed more than his share of pop in Class AAA last summer: 19 home runs and a slash line of .308/.373/.543 even though he missed the final half to a broken orbital from a foul ball.
Now, that said, those 19 home runs came in the Pacific Coast League, notorious for inflating hitters' power numbers, and he's got a grand total of 34 big-league at-bats.
If he's a default starter in the Pirates' lineup -- that's a capital 'D' in default, as in Drew Hutchison -- that's scary stuff. At least for 2018, it is.
Or what if it's David Freese, who'll turn 35 in April and faded badly upon starting 114 games at third last season. He is comfortable in the No. 5 hole, but he's also on the final nine of his playing career. If he's the answer, then Moran shouldn't have been acquired.
Not easy.
And good luck with that other opening, meaning the mythical left fielder who's got to hit No. 6 or somewhere in that range. Hurdle currently would need to choose from Jose Osuna, who can't play the outfield beyond the throwing, and Adam Frazier, who can't play the outfield including the throwing. Sean Rodriguez is around, but he's too old to go every day at nearly 34. Jordan Luplow is around, but he's too young and too untested to start.
This position must be filled from the outside, which means two possibilities:
1. Trade J-Hay.
But that would leave Max Moroff and his .200 average starting at second. (I'm serious. Huntington acknowledged Moroff would have replaced J-Hay had he been moved last summer.)
2. Sign a free agent.
Once the laughter subsides, I'll share the Pirates' running count in free-agency spending: $0.00.
Is this Groundhog Day or Groundhog Year?
• Rob Manfred, Major League Baseball's still-new commissioner, is beginning to assert himself a bit through his push to shorten games. It's a noble pursuit, too, seeing that the average nine-inning game lasted three hours and five minutes, including those in which Yadier Molina didn't visit the mound every other pitch.
Even more nobly, Manfred is essentially forcing the union's hand by threatening to install a pitch clock in 2018 unless players can move along the pace of games on their own and cut 10 full minutes off the average time, meaning 2:55. They've got until pitchers and catchers report to say yes, or he's just going to add the clock under his own authority.
Anyone care to introduce this gentleman to the concept of a salary cap?
• Bryan Rust up to the first line?
Sure, why not? But seeing hard chemistry between Rust and Sidney Crosby would be the exception and not the norm. When Rust first arrived from the minors two years ago, it took a crowbar to pry the puck from his stick. He's become far more versatile since, including with his passing, but that could have made an indelible mark.
Whatever. It's not like Mike Sullivan has a million options there.
• This much is certain: Conor Sheary was gliding along elegantly with Crosby and Dominik Simon, and he'll be missed. He might be missed all the more if he isn't healthy by the NHL's trading deadline at the end of this month, as he could be Jim Rutherford's most significant lure.
• If Rutherford's prime targets for third-line center are the Hurricanes' Derek Ryan and the Oilers' Mark Letestu, as is being reported on both counts north of the border, then he's a wise man to wait till the final minute.
• Sullivan won't say, but I'd start Matt Murray tonight against the Capitals and tomorrow at New Jersey. For real. He's missed a lot of action. He doesn't benefit from watching at this point. Get him back into a rhythm.
• NFL coaches and players transition to broadcasters faster than with any league, as is now being seen with the meteoric rise of Tony Romo from quarterback to commentator. The networks like their talent fresh and still famous.
The first admonition when those folks find new work is this: Don't be afraid to criticize. Especially your old team.
Jerome Bettis has now been with NFL Network, NBC's 'Football Night in America,' then ESPN before being released from the latter last summer. He's got all the same 'Bus' charisma, that beautiful smile and an effective enough way with words, but he's also been visibly reluctant to criticize.
Which is all this was about.
• I never feel smarter than when Jeopardy contestants whiff on sports questions:
No one on Jeopardy knew anything about football ? pic.twitter.com/EomJWawkWF
— Yahoo Sports (@YahooSports) February 2, 2018
• Unrelated to all of the above: God bless Ryan Shazier.
WHAT'S BREWING
• Dale Lolley writes from Minneapolis about the emotion of the Shazier situation, leading our Friday Insider that's brought to you by Point Park University. Our whole staff contributes, as always.
• Christopher Carter breaks down Tom Brady vs. the Eagles in a new Classroom.
• Bradford, Sunday and I will have your coverage of Penguins-Capitals tonight at PPG Paints Arena, after which I'll head over to Newark for the game against the Devils tomorrow night.
• Lance Lysowski will pick up Duquesne's home game tomorrow against St. Bonaventure. If you see him, say hello. He's very friendly.
VIDEO
Lance and I offer up an all-sports Java that covers Shazier, Rust, the Pirates' pen and an awesome reader question about little plastic NFL helmets:
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