CRANBERRY, Pa. -- People grade these things.
I mean, moments after they're done, they give out honest-to-gosh grades.
Trade deadlines in all sports have evolved into such grand theater that, for many fans, they can feel like an end result as opposed to just another step in the process. Which, I guess, makes sense in a way. When we now watch talent shows on TV, or reality shows, or even cooking shows, they're all framed in some form of competition. And by the end of the contest, whether it's a masked singer, a puppy chasing its tail, or someone's quiche trying to get the best of Bobby Flay, the outcome is both instant and final.
Well, here's a friendly reminder on this NHL trade deadline day: The only outcome of consequence in hockey still occurs in early June.
Did the Penguins or Jim Rutherford win this deadline?
Hell, no.
They acquired two defensemen, one of them as underwhelming as he is overpaid, the other plucked right from the AHL. Erik Gudbranson, 27, was a league-worst minus-27 in Vancouver, and his advanced analytics were ugly enough to make Jack Johnson look like the King of Corsi. Chris Wideman, 29, is about to join his fourth NHL organization this season, and he isn't valued enough to make the parent team here -- assigned already to Wilkes-Barre/Scranton -- despite half the defense corps here being hurt.
So yeah, that's all a big blah. And for those who get up for these deadline days like some popcorn-popping event, it's akin to being chopped up on Flay's block.
Here's what matters, though: What's the impact on the Penguins toward that only outcome of consequence?
The obvious answer is that it's negligible. Maybe less than negligible. Gudbranson's not very good at what he does. Wideman isn't wanted by anyone. Tanner Pearson had been handed down the Derick Brassard Cloak of Invisibility, at least until his past couple games. And Jean-Sebastien Dea's about as spare a part as it gets, having been given away by the Penguins not once, but twice. Add all that up, and the Penguins who take the ice Tuesday night in Columbus are barely changed.
The other obvious answer is that three of their top four defensemen aren't healthy. Brian Dumoulin's concussed. Kris Letang probably escaped a serious scare with his surgically repaired neck, but he won't go to Columbus, either. And Olli Maatta, of course, is out for weeks with the separated shoulder.
It was no accident that, in lieu of all the usual platitudes a GM offers when opening a trade announcement, Jim Rutherford opened this one thusly: "We obviously have issues on defense with injuries."
They sure do.
"And even without the injuries," Rutherford continued, "getting the type of player Gudbranson is ... was something we've talked about for a while."
Hockey executives can never say what they mean on this topic, so I'll spell it out. They want this:
The #Penguins just received D Erik Gudbranson in a trade — and he has a bit of a history with... TOM WILSON.
? via @hockeyfights
Our coverage: https://t.co/jlPOWlR2Vd pic.twitter.com/ZARTHlkXUu
— DK Pittsburgh Sports (@DKPghSports) February 25, 2019
Right. They want someone to be able to scrap with Tom Wilson. Or the type of player Wilson is, to borrow from Rutherford's phrasing.
Think it's just by chance that Garrett Wilson was suddenly embraced at midseason?
Or that Joey Cramarossa, an AHL non-entity, was signed to an NHL contract a week ago?
Know what those guys have in common with Gudbranson?
That's right. They fought the same opponent at earlier points in their careers. They aren't afraid of the guy.
Go ahead and turn your nose up at that. I'm sure most will. Fighting's faded in hockey to the point of barely being a variable, and that's doubly true in the playoffs. But this GM and both of this franchise's owners, Mario Lemieux and Ron Burkle, are beyond sick of seeing their fortunes decided by thuggery and awful officiating, and I'm not inclined to blame them a bit for acting on it.
I'm not praising the acquisition of Gudbranson, mind you. Just putting it into proper context.
Context is everything in this case. I watched the deadline coverage on NHL Network with the same intensity as most, and saw all those prospective available names flashing across the screen all afternoon, and, absolutely, it's tempting to picture how they'd fit in Pittsburgh. Mark Stone on Sidney Crosby's right wing was the most tantalizing by far.
Didn't matter. There was no cap room, there was no way a core piece was getting moved, and there was no real commodity to give up that the sellers would want. And, in case anyone hasn't made it through the whole list, all the sellers wanted were elite prospects or high draft picks. Well, the Penguins have none of the former, and it's well past time they stopped shipping out the latter.
I've criticized Rutherford for his cavalier handling of draft picks in the past, so it's fair to tap the stick here when, according to the man himself, it was never even discussed. That might not feel appreciated now, but it sure will when the scouts are seated around that table in Vancouver this summer.
"It's a very good draft," Rutherford would reiterate. "It was important to keep that pick this year."
Otherwise, what's left to analyze?
Rutherford already made his major move, spinning off Brassard and Riley Sheahan to Florida for Nick Bjugstad and Jared McCann, which looks richly promising in the very early going. All the Panthers picked up in spinning Brassard further on this deadline day was a third-rounder from the Avalanche.
Mistakes have been made along the way. That's my greater concern than anything at the actual deadline. Brassard was an embarrassingly bad fit, and he came at a high cost. Carl Hagelin, to repeat for maybe the billionth time, never should have been traded, never mind for Pearson. Jamie Oleksiak didn't need to be traded, either, as he'd have brought Gudbranson's big frame — 6 feet 4 — and grit while also being much better at hockey. Jack Johnson, regardless of one's stance on his worth, wasn't the smartest allocation of $14.5 million in free agency money. And don't even get me started on the decisions related to goaltending.
Another concern: The identity thing, which we've been discussing and debating with Mike Sullivan all winter, might not be any clearer at the top.
Asked about Gudbranson's poor advanced analytics, Rutherford replied, "Well, it might still be the case, but that doesn’t describe why you want certain players. In Erik’s case, he’s a real heart-and-soul guy. He’s a good dressing room guy. He’s got good character. He can protect our players. He puts us in stronger position to push back when we get into more physical games. As you know, there are some teams that just play a skating, skill game. There are some teams that play physical. He’s going to bring that element that will help us.”
It's possible to be both, but it's also possible to have that feel convoluted for all concerned.
Whatever. Zeroing in on one day, one trade, that's not worth the words I've already invested. This was damage control; some of it unfortunate, some of it self-inflicted.
Chris Wideman with the Panthers in January. - AP• On that note, here's hoping everyone stays safe Tuesday in Columbus for that parade they're having over there.
Nothing was more comical at this deadline than all the glowing forecasts for a championship run for a franchise that's slogged through 18 years without a solitary playoff series victory. Except, maybe, that Sergei Bobrovsky would have to be involved in that. Or that the front office at Nationwide Arena remains so spooked by the Penguins that they added Keith Kinkaid, transparently, because they're the one team Kinkaid's been able to beat all season.
The best team in the East is the Lightning. Next-best are the Capitals. Then, possibly, the Maple Leafs. Whatever the Blue Jackets were before all these acquisitions, they're still no better than middle of the playoff pack.
• Know who else didn't make a meaningful move at the deadline?
Lightning. Capitals. Maple Leafs.
• The Pirates were the resounding winners at Major League Baseball's trade deadline last July, landing Chris Archer. Local baseball fans sang a chorus of hallelujahs from the Mount Washington pods about how the front office had finally come around, how this would usher in not just contention but a whole new attitude.
All they won that day was the reality show. And way, way too many people fell prey to it.
• Hagelin for Pearson should be Exhibit A for why trades should never be made with a primary purpose of shaking things up.
• Best news of the day, by the broadest of margins, was Kris Letang being pronounced "day to day" by both Rutherford and Sullivan. There are serious injuries in sports, then there are neck surgeries, then there are recurring injuries of neck surgeries. It's hardly hyperbole to suggest this team would have been toast if he'd have been out longer-term.
• Teddy Blueger is one of the Penguins' dozen best forwards. He's past his expiration date in Wilkes-Barre. Sending him down is stubbornly standing behind more known commodities, and it flies in the face of Sullivan's principal concept of playing with tempo, energy ... and everything else all those young guys brought him in the two Cup runs.
• Favorite thing about this deadline is the chance to underscore all that's beautiful about a salary-cap league:
OFFICIAL: #NYR have acquired a first-round pick in the 2019 NHL Draft, forward Brendan Lemieux, and a conditional fourth-round pick in the 2022 NHL Draft from the Winnipeg Jets in exchange for Kevin Hayes.
— New York Rangers (@NYRangers) February 25, 2019
When a signature franchise based in the league's largest-by-far market is forced to part with assets to a franchise based in the league's smallest-by-far market. Seriously, Winnipeg's population is roughly 1/20th that of New York.
• My only disappointment at this deadline from the Penguins' perspective is that, in an admittedly irrational way, I'd wondered if somehow Rutherford couldn't pull some goaltending push from his hat. What's currently here isn't good enough.
At the risk of parsing, it might have been telling that this was the order in which Rutherford listed what his club's got to do to qualify for the playoffs: "Our goaltending has to be consistent and strong. We have to get healthy on defense, hopefully we can do that by this weekend. And our forwards have to do what they're capable of doing."
• My only disappointment at this deadline from the league-wide perspective is that the Senators and the fans in Canada's magnificent capital really need -- and deserve -- better ownership than Eugene Melnyk. They achieved nothing more in brazenly selling off Stone than finding a suitor, the Golden Knights, to take as much of his money off their hands as possible.
No, I won't make my second Pirates reference in the same hockey column. I'll leave that to you.