Reed's Talking Point: Isotopes, IronPigs, Yard Goats ... what are the best team names?

COLUMBUS, Ohio — A week ago, I drove to Greensboro, North Carolina to profile the Pirates’ minor-league affiliate and its collection of top pitching prospects. I’d be lying if I said my first stop inside First National Bank Field wasn’t the team shop. 

With a nickname like Grasshopppers, who could resist a glimpse at the merch? It wasn’t just kids tugging on the arms and purse strings of their mothers eager to buy souvenirs with the logo of the leaping insect. Business was brisk. There were few XXL shirts and jerseys left on the racks. And no Grasshopper pun went left unmonetized — including an homage to the famous Dave Parker shirt: 

It got me thinking about the most clever and exotic team names in sports. Many major-league franchise names are bland and traditional by nature — all the creativity sucked out by the corporate suits. Yeah, what the sports world needs is another predatory animal nickname. It’s why the Penguins and Golden Seals were so eye-catching in the late 1960s. 

The people having all the fun are the ones in the minor leagues and, in some ways, they need to take risks to attract attention. Deep in the heart of the Bible Belt, Georgia had a hockey team that did that in 1973 with a club called the Macon Whoopee. This double entendre on ice had logos that included a fig leaf and later a whooping crane chased by a bee. Alas, when it came to attendance the public practiced abstinence.

Fortunately, minor-league organizations and their fan bases continued to find humor and originality in their team names. Baseball gives us the Armarillo Sod Poodles, Hartford Yard Goats, Leigh Valley IronPigs, Montgomery Biscuits and Richmond Flying Squirrels.  

Hockey offers the Bakersfield Condors, Toledo Walleye, Orlando Solar Bears and Wheeling Nailers.

I grew up in Warren, OH., a town with deep ties to organized crime well into the 1980s. I always thought they missed an opportunity when the minor-league baseball club wasn’t named the Mahoning Valley Hitmen. Imagine bats in a violin case as the team logo. 

Anyway, I came home from Greensboro with a story and a sweet T-shirt. (I know, it's a bit wrinkled, but so am I.)