The best "Survey Says" questions are always the ones where I ask players to consider their teammates for various scenarios.
This one was a fun one -- I asked players to imagine a hypothetical scenario where they need a haircut, and for some reason the only people around are their teammates. Who are you trusting with the scissors?
Here's how players (and some now-former Penguins, naturally) decided.
Noel Acciari: “I was thinking about picking a younger guy, because they'd be too afraid to mess it up. I feel like Arty could do it. I trust Arty.”
Harrison Brunicke: “My actual pick would be Dumba.”
Ryan Graves: “Oh, Jesus. Not one of them. Absolutely not. Maybe Kris Letang. Maybe.”
Brett Kulak: “Maybe Brazeau, he can just shave my head. He buzzes his well, I’d just ask for a buzz cut. He knows how to do it.”
Kevin Hayes: “Tanger. He has good hair, he’s into nice things. He has good style.”
Arturs Silovs: “I don’t know who is creative enough for it, maybe Karl. He’s got good hair.”
Connor Clifton: “Dumba. He could fix this mess. He keeps it together up there.”
Joona Koppanen: “Tanger always has nice flow, he’s a safe bet.”
Sidney Crosby: “There's a couple guys, I think, who do their own hair right now. So I might have to go with them. I think Brazeau does. I’d go Braz, because obviously he’s got a little experience.”
Tommy Novak: “Nobody. Nobody. Maybe Letang.”
Parker Wotherspoon: “Let’s see, do I want to go conservative or crazy? I think Brazeau cuts his own hair, but he has a buzz cut. Rust would be pretty safe, you know? You’ve got to pick a guy that wouldn’t put a hole in your head. Like, he’d care. I think Rusty.”
Bryan Rust: “Rickard Rakell, if he has two good hands.”
Ryan Shea: “I would say Heinen or Dumba. I feel like Heino, because he would try his hardest to do his best. Some of the guys in here, if you ask them for a haircut, they would probably mess you up on purpose.”
Connor Dewar: “I think Tommy Novak would be really careful with scissors.”
Jack St. Ivany: “Tanger, probably. He’s got good hair and he’s got good taste. He could do it.”
Rickard Rakell: “I would trust Karl, I think.”
Ville Koivunen: “(Tomasino), and I have no idea why.”
Phil Tomasino: “I’d say Letang, he has nice hair.”
Rutger McGroarty: “Let’s see … who has sick hands? I would say Hayesy, Kindy, and Koivy. Oh, and Karl.”
Sam Poulin: “Oh, boy, probably no one. I'm pretty picky with what I want for my hair, so I would have to go to a real barber shop for that.”
Tristan Jarry: “Probably Brazeau. He’s got a consistent haircut all the time.”
Justin Brazeau: “I would say all of them with my haircut. I don’t think it would be too hard. I’d trust Lizzo, I don’t think he’d do anything too stupid.”
Blake Lizotte: “I’d say Dewar. We play together a lot, I trust him. He’s got pretty solid hair, too.”
Danton Heinen: “Probably Gravy. He’s got some longer hair, kind of like mine. He would care. He wouldn’t want to screw it up, he’s pretty trustworthy.”
Ben Kindel: “I’d say Tanger or Karl, just because they have some good hair themselves.”
Sergei Murashov: “Probably someone from the equipment guys, like Tags. TAGS! Could you make a haircut for me? (Taglianetti: 'I could do better than what you’ve got.') Yeah, I think so.”
Anthony Mantha: “Oh, I don’t care. Any of them. They could shave me, it doesn’t really matter for me.”
Matt Dumba: “I’d let none of these guys touch my hair. I’d give myself a haircut before I let any of these guys touch it.”
Kris Letang: “Oh … Gravy. He seems like he’s the one that would not play games.”
Erik Karlsson: “Probably Kindel. Because if he f—ked it up, I would kill him.”
THE ASYLUM
Survey Says: Who would you trust for a haircut?
The best "Survey Says" questions are always the ones where I ask players to consider their teammates for various scenarios.
This one was a fun one -- I asked players to imagine a hypothetical scenario where they need a haircut, and for some reason the only people around are their teammates. Who are you trusting with the scissors?
Here's how players (and some now-former Penguins, naturally) decided.
Noel Acciari: “I was thinking about picking a younger guy, because they'd be too afraid to mess it up. I feel like Arty could do it. I trust Arty.”
Harrison Brunicke: “My actual pick would be Dumba.”
Ryan Graves: “Oh, Jesus. Not one of them. Absolutely not. Maybe Kris Letang. Maybe.”
Brett Kulak: “Maybe Brazeau, he can just shave my head. He buzzes his well, I’d just ask for a buzz cut. He knows how to do it.”
Kevin Hayes: “Tanger. He has good hair, he’s into nice things. He has good style.”
Arturs Silovs: “I don’t know who is creative enough for it, maybe Karl. He’s got good hair.”
Connor Clifton: “Dumba. He could fix this mess. He keeps it together up there.”
Joona Koppanen: “Tanger always has nice flow, he’s a safe bet.”
Sidney Crosby: “There's a couple guys, I think, who do their own hair right now. So I might have to go with them. I think Brazeau does. I’d go Braz, because obviously he’s got a little experience.”
Tommy Novak: “Nobody. Nobody. Maybe Letang.”
Parker Wotherspoon: “Let’s see, do I want to go conservative or crazy? I think Brazeau cuts his own hair, but he has a buzz cut. Rust would be pretty safe, you know? You’ve got to pick a guy that wouldn’t put a hole in your head. Like, he’d care. I think Rusty.”
Bryan Rust: “Rickard Rakell, if he has two good hands.”
Ryan Shea: “I would say Heinen or Dumba. I feel like Heino, because he would try his hardest to do his best. Some of the guys in here, if you ask them for a haircut, they would probably mess you up on purpose.”
Connor Dewar: “I think Tommy Novak would be really careful with scissors.”
Jack St. Ivany: “Tanger, probably. He’s got good hair and he’s got good taste. He could do it.”
Rickard Rakell: “I would trust Karl, I think.”
Ville Koivunen: “(Tomasino), and I have no idea why.”
Phil Tomasino: “I’d say Letang, he has nice hair.”
Rutger McGroarty: “Let’s see … who has sick hands? I would say Hayesy, Kindy, and Koivy. Oh, and Karl.”
Sam Poulin: “Oh, boy, probably no one. I'm pretty picky with what I want for my hair, so I would have to go to a real barber shop for that.”
Tristan Jarry: “Probably Brazeau. He’s got a consistent haircut all the time.”
Justin Brazeau: “I would say all of them with my haircut. I don’t think it would be too hard. I’d trust Lizzo, I don’t think he’d do anything too stupid.”
Blake Lizotte: “I’d say Dewar. We play together a lot, I trust him. He’s got pretty solid hair, too.”
Danton Heinen: “Probably Gravy. He’s got some longer hair, kind of like mine. He would care. He wouldn’t want to screw it up, he’s pretty trustworthy.”
Ben Kindel: “I’d say Tanger or Karl, just because they have some good hair themselves.”
Sergei Murashov: “Probably someone from the equipment guys, like Tags. TAGS! Could you make a haircut for me? (Taglianetti: 'I could do better than what you’ve got.') Yeah, I think so.”
Anthony Mantha: “Oh, I don’t care. Any of them. They could shave me, it doesn’t really matter for me.”
Matt Dumba: “I’d let none of these guys touch my hair. I’d give myself a haircut before I let any of these guys touch it.”
Kris Letang: “Oh … Gravy. He seems like he’s the one that would not play games.”
Erik Karlsson: “Probably Kindel. Because if he f—ked it up, I would kill him.”
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