Wednesday is "Bell Let's Talk" day in Canada, an annual initiative started by the telecommunications company Bell to grow awareness for mental health and raise money for various mental health organizations.
Sam Poulin took the opportunity to share his story --- the struggles he had leading up to his leave of absence two years ago, how his leave to focus on his mental health helped him -- and encouraged others who may be in similar situations to seek help the way he did. Poulin sat down in Wilkes-Barre and recorded videos in both English and French and released them on his Instagram on Wednesday morning.
Poulin said that between 2019 and 2022, he went through a number of life-changing events that he never took the time to "assess," because he was so focused on playing hockey and trying to achieve his goal of reaching the NHL. He wasn't fully aware of the pressure and anxiety that came with being a first-round pick in the NHL. He went through numerous quarantines during COVID and found himself isolated. He dealt with "family issues," deaths in his family, a "tough breakup," and a "traumatizing event" he said left him with PTSD.
Poulin made his NHL debut in October 2022, and played three games before being sent back to Wilkes-Barre. A few weeks later, he started feeling that things weren't right.
"Honestly, I didn't want to play hockey anymore," Poulin said. "My motivation to wake up every day to go to the rink was just getting harder and harder. Going through practices and workouts was demanding my whole energy. Things were just so unbearable. All I wanted to do was sleep and stay isolated in my room."
Poulin said that he didn't feel like he could talk to anyone around him out of fear of being perceived as "weak, or being lazy." So he kept his struggles internal.
On Dec. 4, Poulin said his "body and mind had enough."
Wilkes-Barre was on the road in Hershey, and Poulin felt like he didn't want to be there. His mind was racing during the first period, and everything was "just so negative." At the first intermission, Poulin felt overwhelmed being inside the locker room around his teammates, so he stepped outside to catch his breath.
"I was just so nauseous," Poulin recalled. "I felt dizzy and like in slow-mo, and things weren't good."
Poulin shared his feelings with the team's therapist, who took him into a separate room. A member of the coaching staff checked in to ask Poulin what was going on, and Poulin burst into tears.
"I started crying for over 30 minutes, non-stop," Poulin said. "I was having my first panic attack."
Poulin's parents happened to be in Hershey to watch the game. And after he spoke with the team psychologist, he made the decision to leave with his parents and go back home to Quebec for help, where he stayed for the next four months.
Poulin was diagnosed with depression, generalized anxiety disorder, athletic performance anxiety and panic disorder. He started psychotherapy, was put on anti-depressants, and found new ways to deal with his anxiety like yoga, breath work, and journaling. He also started speaking more openly about his feelings with those close to him, knowing that he couldn't keep everything inside anymore.
"At the time, it was the hardest decision I ever made in my life," Poulin said of getting help. "I thought about my teammates and my team, and I was thinking that I was letting them down. I just felt so ashamed and guilty from it at that time, it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. But right now, I feel like it's the best gift I ever received."
Poulin ended his story with a reminder that one doesn't always know what those around them may be going through, and encouraged people to be there for others -- "The simple question like, 'Hey, how are you doing?' or, 'Do you need to talk?' or even 'I'm wishing you a great day today' can make the whole difference."
THE ASYLUM
Poulin opens up on mental health
Wednesday is "Bell Let's Talk" day in Canada, an annual initiative started by the telecommunications company Bell to grow awareness for mental health and raise money for various mental health organizations.
Sam Poulin took the opportunity to share his story --- the struggles he had leading up to his leave of absence two years ago, how his leave to focus on his mental health helped him -- and encouraged others who may be in similar situations to seek help the way he did. Poulin sat down in Wilkes-Barre and recorded videos in both English and French and released them on his Instagram on Wednesday morning.
Poulin said that between 2019 and 2022, he went through a number of life-changing events that he never took the time to "assess," because he was so focused on playing hockey and trying to achieve his goal of reaching the NHL. He wasn't fully aware of the pressure and anxiety that came with being a first-round pick in the NHL. He went through numerous quarantines during COVID and found himself isolated. He dealt with "family issues," deaths in his family, a "tough breakup," and a "traumatizing event" he said left him with PTSD.
Poulin made his NHL debut in October 2022, and played three games before being sent back to Wilkes-Barre. A few weeks later, he started feeling that things weren't right.
"Honestly, I didn't want to play hockey anymore," Poulin said. "My motivation to wake up every day to go to the rink was just getting harder and harder. Going through practices and workouts was demanding my whole energy. Things were just so unbearable. All I wanted to do was sleep and stay isolated in my room."
Poulin said that he didn't feel like he could talk to anyone around him out of fear of being perceived as "weak, or being lazy." So he kept his struggles internal.
On Dec. 4, Poulin said his "body and mind had enough."
Wilkes-Barre was on the road in Hershey, and Poulin felt like he didn't want to be there. His mind was racing during the first period, and everything was "just so negative." At the first intermission, Poulin felt overwhelmed being inside the locker room around his teammates, so he stepped outside to catch his breath.
"I was just so nauseous," Poulin recalled. "I felt dizzy and like in slow-mo, and things weren't good."
Poulin shared his feelings with the team's therapist, who took him into a separate room. A member of the coaching staff checked in to ask Poulin what was going on, and Poulin burst into tears.
"I started crying for over 30 minutes, non-stop," Poulin said. "I was having my first panic attack."
Poulin's parents happened to be in Hershey to watch the game. And after he spoke with the team psychologist, he made the decision to leave with his parents and go back home to Quebec for help, where he stayed for the next four months.
Poulin was diagnosed with depression, generalized anxiety disorder, athletic performance anxiety and panic disorder. He started psychotherapy, was put on anti-depressants, and found new ways to deal with his anxiety like yoga, breath work, and journaling. He also started speaking more openly about his feelings with those close to him, knowing that he couldn't keep everything inside anymore.
"At the time, it was the hardest decision I ever made in my life," Poulin said of getting help. "I thought about my teammates and my team, and I was thinking that I was letting them down. I just felt so ashamed and guilty from it at that time, it was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. But right now, I feel like it's the best gift I ever received."
Poulin ended his story with a reminder that one doesn't always know what those around them may be going through, and encouraged people to be there for others -- "The simple question like, 'Hey, how are you doing?' or, 'Do you need to talk?' or even 'I'm wishing you a great day today' can make the whole difference."
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