Trade Kris Letang.
Trade Evgeni Malkin, too.
But first, let's strap Jack Johnson on a rocket ship to the Moon, burn Matt Murray's glove and Mark Recchi's power-play whiteboard for the rocket fuel, make sure it doesn't fail to launch like a Justin Schultz look from the point, nor steer off course like a Conor Sheary penalty shot, then strand Patrick Marleau up there forever to be remembered with his fellow contemporaries of the original Space Age.
Am I doing this right?
OK, how about if Nick Bjugstad gets tossed into the vessel's infirmary and Dominik Simon into its advanced analytics lab?
Still not enough?
Everyone but Sidney Crosby?
The Penguins are home from the Stanley Cup playoffs. I'm betting you've heard. After four months of waiting followed by four flat qualifying-round games against the 24th-seeded Canadiens in a 24-team tournament, they've been formally bounced from the Toronto bubble, now left with yet another four months to face a future that's ... wow, what is it?
This isn't 2013, when the Jarome Iginla cameo came crashing down in the Eastern final. Crosby, Malkin and Letang were still in their 20s. The core was still the core. There was time, as 2016 and 2017 would powerfully illustrate.
This isn't 2018, when Evgeny Kuznetsov's breakaway abruptly buried the three-peat bid. That was a hard-fought loss to the eventual champ. No shame in that. And the group deserved yet another chance.
This isn't 2019, either, even though the upstart Islanders tore through the Penguins in four straight. Merited or not, that opponent felt as if it were skating on some other level, at least in the moment.
No, this isn't any of those. This was the single worst series loss of the Crosby/Malkin era, and there isn't a close second. It wasn't just about the upset. It was was being outplayed, outworked, out-everything-ed. It might not have been the most painful series loss, seemingly popping up out of nowhere following the pandemic shutdown, but it was the most embarrassing and the most ... exposing, if you will. Because it was the first one, at least from this perspective, that made clear that the days are over of the core carrying the Penguins to championships.
And if that isn't now evident to all of this organization's decision-makers, chiefly Jim Rutherford, then they're all due for one serious grounding before launching anyone out of here.
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The grounding comes first. Nothing rash. Nothing emotional.
First and foremost, uncomfortable as this might feel, it's worthwhile to appreciate, to applaud everything Crosby, Malkin and, yes, Letang have achieved here. From 2008, with their first appearance in the Final, to 2018, those three have been the backbone -- ably supported along the way by Marc-Andre Fleury, Chris Kunitz, Patric Hornqvist, Brian Dumoulin, Matt Murray and others -- of an extraordinary run of legitimate contention. They've sustained success like no other team in the NHL's salary cap era.
They've been the best core in the league. Better than the Red Wings. Better than the Kings. Better than the Blackhawks. Better than the Capitals.
What's more, as Mike Sullivan mused when asked about his core Friday in Toronto following the 2-0 loss in Game 4, "I think these guys are still elite players. I believe in this core. They're elite hockey players, and I still think there's elite play left in them. That's just what I believe. Obviously, at some point, everybody's window closes. You could argue that with any team in the league. But I strongly believe that this group has a lot of elite hockey."
He's right. On all counts.
And Crosby was right in that same session when cautioning against connecting the 2019-20 regular season to this series that was separated by so much, not just in terms of time, observing that because of that, "It's a hard one to evaluate."
Fact is, the Penguins were a pretty good team dating way back to last October, offensively and defensively, and all three of the core were instrumental in that: Crosby had 47 points in 41 games despite midseason core surgery, Malkin was the team's leading scorer by an 18-point margin and was more productive five-on-five than anyone in the NHL, and Letang was right behind them with 44 points in 61 games.
Crosby and Letang are 33, Malkin 34. That's pretty damned good for all three, regardless of age.
It's not like they were some singular problem against Montreal, either. Crosby scored twice, Malkin generated a series-high 21 shots despite never beating the planet's most gifted goaltender in Carey Price, and Letang was right there with John Marino among the team's best on the blue line.
Does anyone really want to ship one or more of those guys out?
I mean, what would be the reasoning?
Consider the financial view, too: At a time when the salary cap's certain to stay where it is for the next few years, thanks to the pandemic, Malkin's $9.5 million salary ranked 31st in the league in 2019-20, Crosby's $8.7 million ranked 35th and Letang's $7.25 million ranked 63rd. They're not just a bargain. They're a ripoff. And they'll remain that way for years to come, with Crosby signed for five more years, Malkin and Letang for two more each.
What about instead trading one or both of the latter two?
OK, good luck finding a fair return, based on robust precedent in professional sports history to the contrary. The team that acquires the best player in a given trade almost always wins that trade. Look it up. Be sure to Google the names of Kris Beech, Michal Sivek and Ross Lupaschuk when you do.
And from there, even if a deal's there to be had, good luck procuring enough NHL-level, impact-ready young talent. Because this can't be about stockpiling for the draft or waiting for arrivals through the amateur ranks. Not now, and not for as long as Crosby's in Pittsburgh. The Penguins will never put the captain through a rebuilding phase of any length, and nor should they after all he's done. It's got to be players, not picks.
These trades won't happen, my friends. They just won't. And I'm not even mentioning Malkin's no-movement clause and Letang's limited no-movement clause.
Nor, in my estimation, should they happen. See above. This roster's got a firmer foundation with all three staying put and, because of their relatively low cap hits, they aren't hindering the improvement of a supporting cast in any way.
The Bruins remain my go-to example on this front: Patrice Bergeron, Zdeno Chara, Brad Marchand, David Krejci and Tuukka Rask have been the five-man core in Boston forever, they're collectively way older than the Penguins' core, and yet their window's always somehow seen as wide open. That's because David Pastrnak came along, including a 48-goal breakout this winter, then Torey Krug and Charlie McAvoy in the back, and all kinds of other players produced internally. They kept their draft picks, kept the cycle churning, kept augmenting the supporting cast until some took on starring roles.
Now, about that cast here ...
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Sullivan committed his share of misreads and mistakes in the Montreal series. Atop the list was wasting one millisecond worrying about defending the Canadiens. As I'd predicted on a podcast the morning of Game 4, he dipped right back into his familiar well with the Penguins facing elimination, prioritizing caution even though their greatest strength and, thus, greatest chance to win always was going to be breaking Price. As a result, as I'd also predicted, the game would be low-scoring and get decided by whichever team got a break.
As they say in Quebec, voilà:
Question: How does your favorite team lose 11 of its past 13 playoff games over three years?
Answer: When its strength is skill and scoring, and those games produce the following goal outputs: 1, 3, 3, 3, 1, 3, 1, 1, 1, 2, 3, 3, 0.
There's plenty of blame to spread for that, obviously, but I dare say that the 'Just defend' concept that once worked so well in San Jose, then Nashville, only works when the offense can be produced through happenstance. Sullivan's spoken openly for years that this is how he sees it, that his players' ability to score is such that the goals will simply materialize if they do all the rest properly.
Well, what happens when they don't?
If there's any pattern in place with the recent playoff flops, that's the one I'd isolate. As long as this captain and this core are here, the Penguins will continue to sink or swim based on their ability to score. And when the core can't carry the team to championships anymore, to cite that term again, the strategy will need to be infinitely more aggressive than it was against the Canadiens.
Oh, and there'll need to be people to apply it.
Jake Guentzel's a star in his own right, a 40-goal sniper who's shined with and without Crosby and/or Malkin. He and Bryan Rust and Marcus Pettersson and Teddy Blueger and Marino are everything that Rutherford and the Penguins somehow need to multiply. They're either drafted or acquired very young, they're grown into the system, and they've got both the pedigree and character to be difference-makers, not merely passengers.
Know what else such players need?
An honest chance.
I can respect that Sullivan's forever been a stickler for the two-way details inherent in playing any position in his system, as he's got two rings and a healthy bank account to show for the philosophy. But I also don't need to see every young forward demonstrate that he can be the next Bergeron to earn a regular shift.
Two of the top five performers at the Penguins' camp leading up to this playoff, as I reported from Cranberry at the time, were Sam Lafferty, 25, and Evan Rodrigues, 27. They were visibly super-charged through every drill, every scrimmage, and Sullivan and staff singled out both for praise repeatedly. And rightly.
Then, when the series began, Lafferty took a handful of shifts in one game. Rodrigues never suited up. Neither did Adam Johnson, who seldom seems to get a look despite breakneck speed and solid hands. Nor Anthony Angello, who's got the speed to match his big frame. Nor Juuso Riikola, who'd outplay Jack Johnson if he took to the ice in an astronaut's suit. Nor, for that matter, Tristan Jarry until Game 4, but I'll get to the goaltending in a bit.
Maybe they aren't that good, some of these guys. But we don't know because we don't see it.
Lafferty opened the 2019-20 season virtually ablaze, scoring left and right and creating offense for others. But I distinctly recall that, after one of his better games up in Winnipeg, when I asked Sullivan to assess Lafferty's general showing to date, he responded with a wish list of role-playing types of credentials he'd hoped Lafferty would embrace.
Let him play. Let him score. Let him step forward. Or not, but let's at least see it.
Same goes for Samuel Poulin and Nathan Legare, the two terrific teenaged wingers taken in the most recent draft class from picks that Rutherford actually kept. Same goes for whoever Rutherford might take with what now looks to be the 15th overall pick in the coming draft, provided the Penguins' 12.5 percent chance at the Alexis Lafreniere lottery doesn't pan out. And really, same goes for all the future first-rounders, all of whom should remain exactly that.
Here's the Penguins' complete list of first-round picks the past seven years:
2013: None
2014: Kasperi Kapanen (traded)
2015: None
2016: None
2017: None
2018: None
2019: Poulin
Kapanen went to the Maple Leafs for Phil Kessel, so that trade's a colossal W. Helped the Penguins win a couple Cups. So did moving other picks along the way.
But that's enough. That's over. Any trading of first-rounders, even second-rounders, for the hanging-on likes of Marleau or even a still-quality player like Jason Zucker, that's got to be put into the past tense. It won't be popular with the public come the next trade deadline, and Rutherford might not like it himself, but let that edict come down from over his head if necessary.
Build up this system the right way. Teach them right, then treat them right with a legitimate chance once they're ready. Worst-case scenario is that they'll offer you a hell of a lot more than a few weeks of Marleau and, as a bonus, your scouts won't twiddle their thumbs at the draft table.
Look, I'm not suggesting that the insertion of Lafferty wins the Montreal series or anything silly like that. Rather, I'm forcefully advocating that this is the general script that most needs to be flipped.
If the Penguins are going to surround an older core with other older players, then hey, get used to this being the same old result.
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So, what are the actual moves to be made right away?
I've already got 10, believe it or not:
• Bring back Jason Botterill as assistant GM, now that he's free from Buffalo, for another set of eyes to help guide the transition to going younger.
• Scour the hockey world for a power-play brain capable of solving this franchise's ultimate Rubik's Cube. Because that brain clearly isn't in the team's current employ.
• Make the mandate to go young extremely public. Let the fans hear it and, far more important, let the coaches, players and even the prospects hear it. Let everyone know the shop's no longer restricted by age. Give them hope.
• Let Schultz, Sheary and Marleau walk.
• Buy out both Bjugstad and Jack Johnson, whether the cap savings are or aren't worth it.
• Trade Jared McCann. I know, he's only 24, so this seems backward, but he's an enigma that another team might be willing to overpay to solve. Take the overpay.
• Resolve internally that Malkin and Letang, both with their contracts down to two years, won't receive extensions until the team shows a turnaround in the games that matter most. And I stress internally because formal talks on extensions couldn't begin until next July 1, anyway, per the labor agreement.
• At least test the waters on trading Patric Hornqvist, much as that pains me to type for all that he's meant. He's a $6 million third-line winger who'll turn 34 in January. If nothing's out there, so be it, and there likely won't be, particularly since he, too, has a full no-trade clause.
• Sign Jarry, a restricted free agent, to a multiyear contract with the stated expectation that he's now the No. 1 goaltender.
• Trade Murray.
Yeah, saved that one for last, huh?
This is absolutely the time. He's a restricted free agent, too, he's made known to the team that he expects to be paid like a top goaltender in the league, and he hasn't been anything of the sort for too long now. He wasn't even the top goaltender on his team in 2019-20. So, between that and the Seattle expansion draft looking next summer, Rutherford would do well to get, uh, Kraken on this as soon as possible.
There will be a return for Murray. And it should be in the Pettersson mold, young but ready.
Don't despair. About any of this. It's hardly hopeless.
Add up my little list up there, and it's a wholesale change of the team's composition, demographics and approach, all while keeping the core intact at an affordable rate. If it's all put together in the proper spirit, with genuine buy-in from Sullivan, Crosby and everyone else of importance all the way up to Mario Lemieux and Ron Burkle, there's no need for some stretched-out wait to contend again. If it's done really well, it could bring a welcome -- no, necessary -- second wave.
Crosby might’ve done some foreshadowing in this regard Friday when asked if he, Malkin and Letang are running out of chances for a fourth Cup: "With age, it's a possibility. But I can only speak personally. Obviously, I would've liked to stay a little bit healthier and play a full season."
Regardless of how he intended that remark, it was a striking concession on its face. And an unprecedented one.
Now contrast that, fair or not, to this from Letang: "I think we still believe in the core group of this team. I think we have a lot left in the tank. We're going to keep playing hard and give everything for the Penguins. I think we have to be better. This year, we didn't play good enough to win. But I feel comfortable with the group of guys that we have."
English is his second language, I should note. But comfort isn't anything anyone associated with the Penguins needs to be feeling right now in any context.